is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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