Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
