Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
