i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
