It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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