I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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