my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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