I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
