2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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