She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
