dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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