he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Maybe he injected his testicle?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
