My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
