He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
