could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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