i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
