he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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