i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
