This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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