First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
