First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
