guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
