shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
