haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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