Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
