I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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