me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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