I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
