my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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