forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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