I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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