I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
