Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
