Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
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Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize