Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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