does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.