Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize