She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.