Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.