On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
