Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
