she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
