i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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