I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
