I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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