sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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