Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
