I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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