I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
