Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
