I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
