you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
PANTIES FOUND
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