dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
