i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You are the jesus of drinking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
