The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
