thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
