my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The air taste purple.
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