It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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