So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My ass is underappreciated
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
