You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
