The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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