My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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