And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize