I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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