I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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