Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
