I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
