I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
