Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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