I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
