Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Who died my cat blue again?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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