And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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