Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The best revenge is premature balding
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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