you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
