Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
