I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
