took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
