I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
