Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
