Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
