every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
